Centreville, on the eastern shore in Maryland, is a small incorporated town (as opposed to a large, unincorporated community) that is, in every way, the opposite of Centreville, Virginia.

This bizarro world, a center for presumably cube-shaped rural dwellers, boasts its own high school (home to the Lions), middle school and two elementary schools.  They've recently opened their own library, according to their web site, and a "business park at the southern end of town was recently completed [that] boasts several new stores."  They brag about their "well-equipped volunteer fire company . . . with fire and ambulance equipment" and proudly state they house "a couple of fast-food eating establishments." Lest the world at large think this remote outpost a complete backwoods wilderness, however, they hasten to add "the people who live here are in step with the fast-paced world around them."

No, Centreville Maryland.  Stay out of step.

Who in Centreville Virginia, sitting in traffic on 66, hasn't secretly wished they could get out of step with the fast-paced world around them?  Who hasn't thought about continuing on past the city to some alternate universe like Centreville, Maryland where the pace is so slow that people speak in complete sentences and allow each other to merge? Who hasn't longed to enjoy a quiet stroll along main street, troubled only by your choice of which of the two fast-food restaurants you'd prefer for lunch, and which of the several "new stores" is most deserving of your money?

Unfortunately, though, this way of life, so different from our own, can only confirm my suspicion that Centreville Maryland is, in fact, an evil mirror world to our own.  They sit comfortably on the Eastern shore waiting to break our Centreville Virginia spirit with small-town hospitality and, one can assume, niceness.  Therefore, I would like to challenge Centreville Maryland to a duel of some kind, perhaps involving a softball game or bake-off, to prove our dominance in this crazed universe of Centrevillity.

I would like to, but I won't, because I know what will happen.

Centreville Maryland will show up to play, whereas nobody here will have the time.