With the holidays fast approaching, the time has come to decorate the porch.When we moved to our beautiful suburban home, we went all out with holiday decorating, putting strings of lights over, around and across the front of the house, not only bringing in holiday cheer, but giving the neighborhood ample light for nighttime reading. While it’s true that rolling neighborhood brown-outs did compel us to tone it down in later years, we still like to decorate, provided we get a few unseasonably warm post-Thanksgiving weekend days and a volume discount from our power company. Sadly, though, while…

To me, Thanksgiving has always been a sumptuous feast. We always have the traditional turkey (as opposed to the turducken, which I refuse to eat on moral grounds) and an ample selection of sides to go along with it. We are not chefs, but my wife and I can cobble together a decent feast from Food Network recipes and the Betty Crocker cookbook. We like variety, albeit of a traditional sort.My daughter doesn’t care about variety. She likes cranberries. Recently we went online to find some cranberry recipes. “Perhaps you’d like to try Cranberry, Apple and Fresh Ginger Chutney?” we offered. “Or …

I have this recurring issue with Northern Virginia: I can’t get anyplace I need to go. Take one Friday last month when my nine-months pregnant wife burst into the room and shouted “the OB says we need to get to Fairfax hospital now!” She then added: “Gleeeeeeeearrrrrgh!”There was only one problem that I saw: “It’s rush hour. We’ll never make it to Fairfax.”I was right. After a truly incomprehensible quantity of time sitting in traffic on Route 50 hoping to get to Interstate 66, my wife grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and yelled “Go to Fair Oaks!” For good measure she added some …

When did Halloween become a day that was no longer about children?I ask because this year, like every year, my daughter will go trick-or-treating, and at numerous houses throughout the neighborhood nobody will answer the door. For those who live in apartment or townhouse communities, where the population is more transient, the problem increases exponentially, to where the majority of dwellings are unoccupied come Halloween night. Without candy, the children are left to wander the streets in sadness.For kids, Halloween can be a special holiday. It gives them a chance to dress in silly costumes…

I’m no longer cool.I’m sure this revelation will come as a shock to every single person on Earth—especially the ladies—but the immense, profound aura of hip I’ve consistently maintained for so long is now officially dead. It’s death comes not by accident, or as the result of long illness, but rather by murder. I took it out back and executed it when I decided to purchase a minivan.Not that my hand wasn’t forced. My wife and I are expecting our third child next month and, as a result, sacrifices must be made. The late-night parties? Gone. The loud music? Gone. The Italian sports car I always …

Let’s face it: One of the great joys found in suburban living comes from the pleasure people find in judging their neighbors. Whether it’s the messiness of a porch, a bit of chipped paint or a lawn dotted with too many dandelions, finding cause to feel momentarily superior is fun. A walk the other day with my wife and our two kids became an object lesson in what can happen, though, when you do judge your neighbors. While parents talk, children frequently want to take action, which is how an empty beer bottle became a teaching opportunity that horribly backfired.“Ugh,” said my wife. “Would you…

In recent years, a revolution of sorts has slowly taken hold. Inspired in large part by the book “Born to Run” by Christopher McDougall, in which a group of marathon runners travel to Mexico to take on a tribe of endurance athletes, people across the country have begun running barefoot.They run barefoot not because the tribesmen or athletes in the book ran barefoot (most of them didn’t), but because one man did. His name was Barefoot Ted McDonald, and ran 50 miles through the most rugged terrain in the world sans footwear.I tried to contact Barefoot Ted some time ago, but he very politely …

Sometimes can openers, too, and maybe the occasional flying dutchman, but mostly cannonballs – from the diving board, the side of the pool or even the high dive. Plunging into the water with legs gripped tight, creating a monumental splash that empties the pool and soaks everybody on deck – nothing makes summer more enjoyable. The cannonball is an indulgence, sure – but everybody loves them, especially those sunbathers. “Thanks for cooling us off!” they’ll say, as they leap up and squeal with delight. They may follow that with some choice words about my personal hygiene, but that’s all part …